Opening up to Spirit after Trauma Healing

Trauma creates spiritual disassociation. Yet, when we aren't aware of it, we keep trying to force our spiritual gifts and connection. I did for over a decade. 

My experience creating a deeper spiritual connection happened by accident, really. I was focused on my physical health because my body was literally dying. At the time, I was relying on Western Medicine for answers as my spiritual practice and holistic efforts had yet to yield any results.

My spiritual journey began with a desire to find healing answers for myself and help others. As a result, I became a Reiki level 2 practitioner, an EFT practitioner, and a CBT coach. Additionally, I've explored various forms of energy healing such as breathwork, crystal healing, sound healing, yoga, Ayurveda, aromatherapy, chakra healing, and more. I've also tried acupuncture, chiropractic care, kinesiology, herbal medicine, akashic records, hypnosis, and much more.

After all of this, I still wound up bedridden. I was diagnosed with a neurological disability and PTSD.

That was on top of my list of diagnoses that I'd already accumulated over the decade prior. I couldn't walk and I couldn't take care of myself.

At the end of 2021, my life was falling apart, even though I was doing everything. Doctors and spiritual gurus told me to do. I was dying. I stepped away from my 6-figure career that I worked hard to build. I lost my house, my car, everything. I began living on credit cards and savings. As my life began to spiral downward, I felt lost, alone, and directionless, experiencing the darkest period of my life since becoming a widow at 24

My attempts to manifest had fallen flat for years.

My anxiety was ruling my life. 

Doctors were running out of diagnoses.

My body was giving out. 

I didn't know what else to do.

I've always been tenacious, but at times, I wondered if it was resilience or delusion (it turns out, as I learned later, it was my soul guiding the way to truth). 

2021 marked the beginning of what would be the fight for my life. I don't say that lightly.

Slowly, I began to unravel the impact of trauma on my body. I began to study the science of childhood trauma and developmental trauma on the brain and body.

It turns out I spent my entire adult life trying to build a house on a neglected foundation. Each year, I tried to heal more symptoms when the root cause was spreading; it was like a tornado turning into a hurricane. 

My body was struggling to survive from birth because of trauma.

Trauma changes your brain and body. A high level of cortisol running through your system starting in childhood can reduce the volume of your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain you need for things like rational thinking, memory, and executive functioning). It can also lead to a more overactive amygdala (the fear center of your brain). 

These changes in your brain and body, by the way, are why talk therapy has a lot of limitations in being able to help trauma survivors. Talk therapy relies on the parts of your brain that aren't functioning properly.

No matter what I did to heal my body, it didn't matter much because the damage was progressing more each day. 

Year after year, I was put on more medication - SSRIs for depression, benzodiazepines for panic attacks, and so much more. It was like putting a band-aid on an axe wound.

Eventually, nothing was helping, and doctors would send me away because they didn't know what else was wrong. Later, I learned that doctors are not trained to understand how emotional trauma impacts the body—leaving trauma survivors to fall through the cracks of the medical system while being medically gaslit.

During this entire time, I remained committed to my spiritual practice.

I studied Tibetan Buddhism, practiced mindfulness, and did my meditations. Despite this, I couldn't understand why I felt so lost and alone.

I dedicated nearly two full years to healing my body from trauma. During that time, I started studying neuroscience and trauma. I wanted to understand why my nervous system had been slowly deteriorating, which led to my neurological disorder. To deepen my knowledge, I even enrolled to get a Master's degree in Neuroscience and Trauma.

Day by day, I was figuring out how to get my life back.

I started looking into re-entering the workforce. My previous career was not an option; to be honest, I wasn't interested in returning to it. Trauma had kept me there, not passion. Additionally, I couldn't work full-time as my disability still significantly interfered with my life.

So, I decided I would begin sharing my story and helping others understand how trauma impacts the body. And I was healing; I was finding the tools and resources to save my life when doctors couldn't. My physical health was improving despite living in a very difficult living situation. I had no financial stability, real home, car, or savings.

Then, one day, the unexpected happened. I had a spiritual breakthrough. 

I wasn't trying to have a breakthrough; I was honestly trying to cope with my toxic life situation. I was working on finding gratitude in the midst of some of the worst circumstances that my disability and trauma had created. 

One day, as I was meditating, it happened. 

I felt profound acceptance and gratitude for everything, even the things that hurt. I was grateful for my trauma, thankful for being able to use my nearly maxed-out credit card to buy pharmaceutical-grade supplements that were helping me heal, and appreciative of my tiny RV, which was the only piece of property that I owned and where I was living.

All the things that had felt unbearable just moments before suddenly became beautiful lessons and experiences. I had always felt like I was trying to force gratitude before that. My faith traught me to feel grateful but I had been struggling to actually feel grateful because I was angry and resentful.

Yet, in that moment, everything changed.

I felt the shift literally happen in my body. 

For the first time in my entire life, I could feel my anxiety washing away and I felt joy throughout. It wasn't forced and it wasn't "I'm grateful, but..."

I was genuinely grateful and I knew without a doubt that everything would be okay. My nervous system had never been able to do that before. I reached a tipping point where my brain, body, and energy were finally able to connect spiritually to a higher power. 

For a long time on my spiritual journey, I wondered if "this is it" or "that's just for other people." I longed to feel a connection to something, anything. I yearned so deeply for purpose and connection. It felt elusive for 40 years of my life.

Yes, at 40 years old, I finally blossomed to experience the divine. 

It's the most beautiful long awaited gift. This is what my soul was searching for and it's was drove me all those years when I couldn't understand how to get through the pain. 

Now, my dream has shifted a bit. 

I am leaning into spirit, and listening to my body. I am continuing to heal and following the joy. I found the "secret" to spiritual awakening and I want to share it. 

Honestly, it's not so much a secret. It's science. 

I have come to learn that science is the language of spirituality. In our world, we try to separate spirit and body when, in reality, the interconnectedness of spirit and body holds the key to awakening. It comes down to energy and understanding exactly how energy changes our biology.

Once we begin to understand how trauma changes the brain and body, we can create a spiritual path to healing the mind, body, and spirit. 

Through all of this, I recognize how I was manifesting each step of my healing journey... I was manifesting the pieces that would lead to my healing. I also have learned that I am a wounded healer, someone who experiences tremendous pain and suffering which becomes training to help others heal.

Throughout this journey, I now recognize how I manifested each step of my healing journey. I was manifesting the pieces that would lead to my healing. It took time and a lot of moving pieces because spirit had a lot of lessons and energy to align.

I've also come to understand that I am a wounded healer – someone who endures significant pain and suffering, which in turn becomes a form of training to help others in their healing journey.

In this life, I've been blessed with many unique gifts are coming together to help me experience a quantum leap.

My creativity, love of science, passion for art, appreciation of beauty, love of learning, and knack for organization are all converging in a beautiful way.

Now, I am on a journey of learning from spirit. And this path is revealing my soul gifts which lies in guiding others heal their trapped energy.

Now, I am on a journey of allowing spirit to teach me as I explore my soul soul's gift of guiding others in healing their trapped energy. I can't wait to see what unfolds next. If you are here, I'm glad you've found me.