Learning from the Cycle of Pain as a Human Design Projector

I've debated about writing this down because I truly believe that whatever we put out into the universe comes back to us. Yet, I also firmly believe in the science of healing the physical body AND sharing my experiences to help others learn.

I read a book recently where a Shaman shared his opinion on those who share their trauma stories—he's not a fan. He believes that any person sharing about trauma is just spreading negative vibes on this planet. I believe he is short-sighted, even though I understand his thought process.

When we share our trauma from the perspective of a victim mindset, that's a much different thing than sharing our story from a place of empowerment and growth. By sharing my transformation story, I believe I can help others see a more straightforward path to their healing.

With that said, life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, I still struggle and debate about sharing the painful lessons because I don't want it to come from the victim mindset. Yet, it's part of the science of healing because we are physical beings going through a physical experience. It feels valuable to share the lessons when I'm fully engrossed in the experience. That's when I can capture the true essence of the lessons and wrap my thoughts around them in a way that can help myself and others.

With that said, I want to share something I am currently working through.

When you build a life from trauma:

• Career

• Friendships

• Marriage

• Home

• EVERYTHING

It takes time to peel away the layers.

And that can hurt as you go through the process. We can feel alone, misunderstood, and scared. And we don't see that plastered all over social media—the hard part of growth.

I've always wanted to be genuine and honest in how I present myself in my business because we have enough fakeness in this world. Yet, again, I don't want to perpetuate a victim mindset or, even worse (in my personal opinion), an unsolicited life coach showing up in my DMs telling me how they can help me fix all my problems.

Pain is a part of the process of life.

Why?

Because it's the ultimate teacher, pain drives us to create change. Many healing Gurus talk about pain as something we must eliminate in life, but I think that's a lie.

We live in a dualistic world. When we experience pain, it allows us to experience joy. Healing and growth are not about removing pain from our lives. I believe that true happiness and joy happen when we learn to embrace pain and let it flow as part of life.

Today, I am feeling sad. The more I fight it, the deeper it penetrates my mind, body, and spirit.

When I open social media and see influencers sharing the grandiosity of their lives, I wonder: What pain are they hiding? What mask are they wearing?

What if we stopped being afraid of feeling pain and accepted it as a part of this human existence?

What if I can share openly about the ebbs and flows of pain as I continue to rebuild a life that was built by trauma?

Peter Levine best described it: the cycle of healing from trauma involves pendulation—a cycle of expansion and contraction. As we expand, grow, and heal, we will also have moments when we contract back into pain. It's natural and needed. So why do we feel shame for it? Why do we fight it? Why am I afraid of talking about this genuine part of the human experience?

I know some of the hesitancy lies in my spiritual beliefs that what we reap, we sow. There's also a feeling of shame—I "should" be past this, or why is this happening to me when I've come so far?

As I took some time to sit with these thoughts and emotions, I started to realize that we are conditioned to be afraid of fear, darkness, and pain. It is that avoidance that keeps us trapped. As human beings, we came here to experience this whole physical experience, not bits and pieces. Every single part of the physical form is intentional. What can we learn from the darkness of this life?

We are here to learn how to embrace fear and pain with love.

You can't do that if you don't allow yourself to feel it and process it.

If you avoid pain, you will suffer more.

You will suffer if you try to pretend everything is okay when it's not.

During the healing process, you may experience unexpected moments of pain. However, this doesn't signify regression; it's actually a sign of progress. As you grow, you will encounter periods of expansion and contraction. The important thing is not to become trapped in the painful moments.

Struggling with the Cycle of Pain as a Human Design Projector

As human design projectors, we feel very deeply about this. Our open centers make us vulnerable to the energy of the world around us, and this can radically impact our ability to heal, especially when the energy of toxic people surrounds us. 

I am in this situation right now, and as much as I try to keep standing back up, sometimes I get knocked down very quickly because I don't have the proper support. I suspect many projectors can relate to this, but no one talks about it. So, is it wrong for me to want to put this out into the universe? I don't think so. Am I spreading negative vibes by sharing this practical reality of this physical world? I don't think so. By sharing, I can help others feel validated and understood.

My life has been shaped by trauma, but I am now rebuilding it with purpose and love. I believe that my soul came here for a masterclass in growth, which has involved experiencing deep pain and suffering. As I am opening up to more love, joy, and inner peace, I had to make some tough decisions—and that will continue.

Things don't just change overnight when you begin to awaken to the truth. It can take time for the material world to manifest the dreams you desire. It takes time for energy to flow into alignment, especially when you've lived decades deeply unaligned. This transition can also create pain as you work on leaving behind things that no longer serve your highest and greatest good—relationships, maybe your career, and even the place you live.

I want you to know that you are not alone. I am sharing this part of my journey to see how growth happens. It ebbs and flows, and once we truly embrace that, life becomes more joyful.